Guest Post: Furlie.

While I recover from my time in Hollywood, my good friend Furlie offered to write a post.

When Wifeish approached me to fill in for her while she recovers from her stay at my place, I was stoked. I needed a break from writing my memoirs anyway. They’ve already been optioned to be made into a sitcom on TBS. I know right? But what can I say, I do live in Hollywood.

I don’t want to sound like a dick here, but somebody forced me to wear a bow tie, which is not okay. For like two days. There was also talk of drawing buttons on my chest with a sharpie, but that never materialized. Which is good, because I would have had to seriously cut a bitch. I got one of ‘em pretty good, but she was too wasted on Wild Turkey to notice.

This was the next morning, after the bow tie incident. She tried real hard to suck up to me, get me to play with some string, you know, the real cute shit, but I was having none of it. Bitch didn’t deserve it after the night I had trying to get that fucking thing off.

This is my latest headshot. I think it’s okay, but maybe a little too avant garde for some tastes. Maybe for my next session I will wear the red sweater I got for Christmas, really go for that hipster “family portrait at K-mart” vibe that is so hot right now.

So I guess that’s about it. I’ve been awake for about three hours and I only got eighteen hours of sleep last night, so you know. Also,  my litter box just got changed about three seconds ago, so I gotta go christen that shit.

Look for my memoir in early 2012 and cross your fingers the pilot for “Furlie in the House!” gets picked up.